i’m drowning in crap
no, not poo crap, junk crap. in my bedroom. tons of it. apparently when you never throw anything away because you have an irrational belief that as soon as it’s gone you’ll need it for something, you end up with a lot of crap that you will never need ever and no space for walking on your floor. so, once again, i’ve decided to take on the task of "cleaning" things up. now, usually, "cleaning" mostly means just shuffling things around and cramming things into the least crammed areas in the room. this time, believe it or not, i am throwing things away. no really, i am… at least 5 bigass garbage bags full of old stuff i’ll never use have gone out to the curb over the past week or so. i have mixed emotions about the progess. part of me is stoked that i might finally have shaken my horrible packrat tendencies and i may have a living space that i can enjoy living in. the other part is both saddened and disgusted at just how bad i let things get in the first place. not disgusted because there’s gross things going on (that would be my brother’s room or the creepy basement), but disgusted because i must think so little of myself and my stuff that i don’t take the time to take care of it or at least find a reasonable place for it (clothes do not belong in a giant pile infront of the bookshelf, and yarn does not belong crammed into any and every little crammy hole that can be found). i’ve read and heard that packratting (hoarding) can be a sign of depression, but as long as i can remember, i’ve held onto stuff. not even important or sentimental stuff… just stuff. i still have almost all of my notes and tests and such from high school. high school! i barely used that stuff then, so why the hell should i keep it around now. it makes no sense. i’m not stupid, i know that it makes no sense to keep all this stuff around that i know is of no use to me, yet i keep letting it pile up. am i just lazy? is it some sort of chemical imbalance? will i ever get better? is the only thing saving me from becoming the lady with the house crammed full of garbage and the 100s of cats the fact that i’m entirely allergic to cats? scary thoughts. scary enough to get me off my ass and back to the pit to throw away some more stuff right now. wish me luck.
